• jess

Thanksgiving Spanksgiving

I just wanted to take a quick moment to say, if you’re anything like me... Thanksgiving kinda fucking sucks.

It’s always a super lonely, disappointing holiday in my experience. Not that I expect a big, joyous family reunion, uh, clearly, but it always lands on the polar opposite end of the spectrum to a degree that leaves me feeling more alone than ever. I’m not sure why the holidays have such a negative effect on my mental health, except for the knowledge that other people have positive experiences while I’m wallowing in my self-determined social void. I think I have massive SOMO - sadness over missing out - on something that everyone else loves to flaunt.

So. Just here to say, if you dread this day, you aren’t alone. You aren’t ungrateful. You’re probably just more keenly aware of the ways that your situation is not the Rockwell experience when you start comparing the details to what you see plastered on social media and what your cheery-ass coworkers rub in your face. Remember, who knows how true any of their projections are. The unhappiest couples post the gushiest shit on facebook, amiright? Who’s to say that any of these fancy fuckheads with functioning family units are actually happy spending their time together. Maybe they're just as miserable as the rest of us, but they wrap it up in instagram filters and toxically positive cursive phrases from hobby lobby decor. Who knows.

All of this traditional Thanksgiving bitching aside… I, uh, have a feeling that this year is going to be even harder for everyone. With COVID and the political environment, there are plenty of reasons for families to be more distant and volatile than ever. So, if you’re stuck spending the holiday alone - I know how that fucking goes. And I’m sorry. Even when you hate your family, it possibly still feels unfair. I mean, we can’t even Friendsgiving this year, and isn’t that what we all secretly want to earn after contending with the hell-circus that constitute our biological families?

So. Maybe it’s a godsend that you can’t see your family. Or maybe you’re feeling incredibly alone and actually want some of that dry-ass turkey this year for nostalgia's sake. Maybe you still have to see those turds and you know that the dinner is going to be punctuated with opposing social policy opinions. Maybe you’re all getting together, and the general consensus about spreading COVID doesn’t match with your own beliefs.

No matter what, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if you’re having a rough time. Know that you’re not the only one drowning in existential dread as soon as Halloween is over. No matter how you’re spending your holiday, remember that you’ll survive like a Motherfucker. Time will pass, no matter how slow and painful it feels. Do your best to kick back, observe what’s happening, and objectively analyze it like it’s a David Attenborough documentary. Emotionally distance yourself from the shitshow. Remember that everything is eventually going to be alright. People love you, whether they are good at showing it or not. This is just another day, and outdated American traditions don’t mean anything about your existential life crisis, value as a human, or outlook for the future.

To all my black sheep, scapegoats, secret holders, and silent peace-keepers. You got this, Fuckers. And, not to be sappy, but I’m grateful for every one of you. It’s been quite a year, but I can easily point to connecting with all you Traumatized Motherfuckers as a bright light in my 2020.

So, Happy Fucking Thanksgiving y’all. Fuck this dumb holiday. And I’ll see you on the other side.

Traumatized Motherfxckers

Not doomed. Not damaged.

Not dead yet.

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