• jess

Merry Fucking Christmas

So who’s looking at a challenging week here? While it seems like the rest of the world rejoices, you are in a very different “spirit” than they seem to foster. Maybe one of dread, disappointment, and anxiety? Emptiness? Frustration? Defeat?


Sounds like my holidays every year. You’re not alone with the bah-humbugs.


But… are you physically alone? Inundated with unwelcome family? Estranged from your abuse-denying family? Trying to give your kids the holiday you never had? Facing financial constraints? Having trouble getting into the spirit? Stuck working as a fucking healthcare professional or retail worker? Facing the holiday without some important people in your life?


I know, shit is bleak for a lot of us right now. It’s a depressing holiday for having a shitty family, in the first place.


Then… 2020 happened.


A lot of us are particularly trauma-challenged at this point. It might be one of the worst winters in memory. It might be hard to feel anything other than depression and nothingness right now. But, also, if your situation IS positive, hey, don’t feel bad about that, either. Good for you, you deserve it.


Now… Assuming that isn’t too many of us… let’s talk about this hard day for a minute.


I think it’s A-okay to be less than joyful right now. Can’t fight the feelings. But I encourage you to analyze the why’s and see if there’s a path you can walk down towards how to feel at least present today, if not ready to belt out carols. You’re allowed to be bummed. You’re allowed to shut down. But, at least settle up the reasons why so this doesn’t bowl you over after the day passes. And don’t drown yourself in eggnog before switching to straight whisky.


It’s okay to be in a shitty mood, no matter what Hallmark says. If you can without getting too trauma-spiralled, can you acknowledge what’s dragging you down this holiday? What challenges are you facing on this supposedly-joyous day? Who or what is missing, one way or another?


Feel sad about it. It’s allowed. You should respect how you feel. If you need some time to mourn, to feel wronged, to miss someone - go for it. Feel what you feel. If you need to feel that feel all day long, go for it. You do what you need to do. And do it confidently, knowing that this year has been a fucking disaster and christmas is sortof the pinnacle of the shit-reckoning after all the build up. You have every right.


So, it’s okay to be in a terrible mood. It’s okay to cry all day if you want.


But don’t do it because you get into a self-destructive spiral. Don’t wallow for the sake of wallowing. Don’t get all victim-y about it. Have your emotions, honor them, realize where they come from, revisit those moments, and give them respect. There’s a reason why you’re torn up. But then try to get your head out of the comparison trap/it’s so unfair conversation on repeat.


Do not let your head move into the doomsday narrative about how you’re always going to feel this terrible. You won’t. You don’t have the worst Christmas of them all - and although it’s healthy to acknowledge what you have been through and what you’re dealing with now, you DON’T get to absorb more personal misery than you’re owed. Leave some sadness for others - it’s been a time for everyone. Don’t feel guilty for having whatever emotions are coming up. Just try to be fair in your appraisal of self-suffering versus world-wide suffering today.


Remember. You feel awful, you’ve possibly felt awful all year, but you’re going to come out on the other side of this. You have at least something relatively okay going for you. Don’t get all cry-y and tell me you don’t. You do. And you’re going to survive this day, just like you got through the last 364.


Another tip? Try to keep yourself looking ahead at others, not behind at your own damn self. It’s hard to look at your own life and feel cheery, so… maybe consider, instead, how can you help somebody else? Get your brain out of your circumstances for a moment. How can you brighten this holiday for someone? (Reach out to someone on the holiday? Donate money or supplies to a charity or individual? Clean out your house for things you can give away in time for the coming cold months? Feed the animals outside? Leave a note for your neighbor? Put on a smiling fucking face for the people around you?) Dream up one way you can make this a slightly more positive day, or more positive 2021, for someone else.


Is it a fluffy thing to recommend? Yep. Do I want to tell myself to git fucked? Sure. But putting your attention on someone else really helps with the resilience efforts, especially when you’re burnt out on trying (and often failing) to help yourself.


So, make a card. Write a nice note. Donate a few bucks to a good cause. Put your strengths to work for a charity you care about. Just think about the options for making someone’s life a tiny bit better - trust that it’ll come back to you. You aren’t damaged, doomed, or destitute. Let someone else know that they aren’t all alone in this wild ride, either.


As always, know that you aren’t the only one going through this. The holidays are always a challenging time - whether you lost someone or you’ve never had them, in the first place. And you’re seen. The struggle is felt. There are so many traumatized folks out there, experiencing this day just like you.


If you’re one of the parental heroes, putting on a happy face for those kiddos in the midst of disaster, I salute you. If you’re just trying to keep your family’s depression and substance abuse separate from your own, I’m right here with you. If you’re spending the holiday solo because you’re the only socially responsible folk in your family tree, the world appreciates you for caring. If you can’t even get a goddamn day off, because too many anti-maskers insist on buying cartloads of diabetes prerequisites, national holiday be damned… well, an enormous thank you for everything you’ve been through and don’t deserve to endure. You’re in my thoughts.


So Merry Christmas, Motherfuckers. We’re all in this together. If you need someone to just vent at, or to write some bitter Christmas carols to, you know where to find me. Get in touch at traumatizedmotherfuckers.com or traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail. I’m listening. I’m here with you. And I’m happy to be doing this holiday thing without having two drinks in my hands by 9am - which is counter to many other years in my past. Progress!


That being said… that’s it, Fuckers. You may have noticed, I decided to take this week off from really podcasting. But I’m here with you in historically disgruntled spirit to say BURN IT TO THE GROUND. It’s a weird time for my family. But we’re here together, and that’s a motherfucking first in at LEAST a decade. So, at least we’ll all be miserable together.

That being said, I will probably be working on resolving the Traumatized Motherfuckers discord community overflow for the next few days, rather than staring at my downtrodden family as my anxiety goes insane. I’ve realized that there’s nothing worse for me than sitting around, attempting to be something for someone else when they have no desire to be that thing for themselves. It’s boring, it makes me antsy, and I end up treating my condition with substances. So, I will be escaping with work and creative endeavors instead. Merry Christmas! I’m finally getting the community re-righted. Thank you for being patient. Expect to hear from me soon.


So… now… let’s do the exciting thing? Let’s announce the winner of the free tee contest? The winner was chosen by Archie. I counted the number of seconds he was standing up on a particular round of line-dancing around the yard and counted down from the first entry I received to the corresponding digits! Why is it so complicated? Because, science.


And the winner is……. Jean, who wrote in from Hell. A joke I very much appreciate. Congratulations! I’ll be in touch to get your address and sizing information!


And, because I was inspired by the MF who donated this first tee, I’ve decided to donate two more, myself. Surprise Fuckers! Hang tight and watch for an email, two more of you are getting hooked up. Thank you thank you thank you for being here and being part of this project.


That’s it! Congrats guys! Thank you to everyone who submitted an entry - and, hell, expect that this will happen again if you aren’t satisfied with the results today. I think it’s a cool community outreach idea - any time you feel like spreading a little joy, why don’t you offer to sponsor a merch giveaway for a fellow complex trauma traveler? Something to consider.


Alright, to get back to other important business, next week we’ll be talking about wrapping up your year for the sake of trauma brain growth and life rehabilitation. Plus, I have some exciting new plans for Traumatized Motherfuckers to share with you. Meet you here next time for all of those updates and ideas.


See y’all then.


Happy Holidays from Archie, myself, and the entire Traumatized Motherfucker community. And Satan bless you. Hail yourselves. Talk to you Fuckers soon.


Merry Fucking Christmas.


Traumatized Motherfxckers

Not doomed. Not damaged.

Not dead yet.

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