You know what sucks? Living out of fear.
For years, I didn’t do… well… much of anything. Because it was all too terrifying for me to comprehend making a move. Making decisions was nothing short of horrific when I was so ready and willing to imagine the worst-case scenarios that could (read: WOULD) follow every move I made.
It wasn’t an easy process, but somewhere along the line I realized that fear is just fear. It isn’t an indicator of a good or a bad decision. It’s just an imagined unknown. The sense of uncertainty and ambiguity that can easily be filled with catastrophic thinking and spiraling thoughts of expected doom.
Does fear really mean anything at all? Is it a signal of something you should avoid? Or, is it actually the exact opposite?
Does “fear” indicate that you’re on the cusp of doing exactly what you should be doing? An undeniable force that you aren’t ready to reckon with? Maybe that’s why you’re feeling so motherfucking uncomfortable?
Today, I’m sharing a journal entry where I was writing about my worst fears... Universal WORST FEARS.
And why they’re actually amazing, freeing, concepts to lean into.
Journal entry 6/3/2020 - Turn your worst fears into comforts
No one cares about you.
People care about THEM. If you aren’t hearing from friends, it’s not because they’re ignoring you. They just aren’t thinking about you. In that moment, maybe they truly don’t care. But you don’t have to take it so fucking hard.
Freak out, but it’s just because they have other shit to do.
They probably mean to text you, they probably figure that you’re fine if you haven’t spoken in a while… or maybe they just need you to handle your own shit, because they have enough on their plates, as is. They have their own worries. They have their own life disasters. And frankly, it’s exhausting always worrying about yours.
If they seem “unsupportive” of your circumstances or your ambitions, figure that they’re unsure of what to say, how to help, or how serious you are about your direction. They can wish the best for you, from a distance. They don’t have to be up your butt all the time, asking how to be of assistance. They trust that you'll figure it out. You always do.
On the other hand, if you worry about people judging you all the time… realize that seriously, THEY DON’T CARE. Grown, functional adults have better things to do than internet stalk you or gossip about your every move. If you’re worried about what trusted companions say, you’re projecting. If you’re worried about what shitty ex-classmates say, you’re wasting your time anticipating sick peoples’ thoughts.
It’s not a personal thing… Bitch, they’re just too busy to care. Isn’t that better than the alternative?
No one cares about you. At least, not the ways you worry about.
You’ll always be alone.
Even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, in the end, yer on your own. At the end of the day, when you fall asleep, when you’re inside your brain, when you’re inside your body, and yes… when death comes knocking… you’re all alone, motherfucker. Better embrace it. Better learn to love being with yourself.
The good thing is, when you do accept it, you can let go of your attachment anxieties little by little. You don’t NEED anyone because it’s impossible to HAVE anyone. You got you, and that’s the best it’s going to get.
Like a pioneer, exploring this wild life with bravery and self-sufficiency, you’re going to have to figure things out by yourself. You can call out for help. You can lean on your companions. But no matter what advice they give or compliments they shower you with… dude, you’re ultimately on this journey by yourself.
No one can feel what you feel or see what you see. You’ve been out there, rummaging around alone for how many years already? Aren’t you strong? Dig around, figure out what you like and enjoy, and learn to appreciate the personal space that inherently comes with having a living consciousness.
When you aren’t worrying about others, you can actually focus fully on yoself. And feel like a badass.
You’ll always be alone. And that means you always have everything you need.
You will lose everything that you love
Through death, decay, or just straight-up change… you’re going to say goodbye to everything you’re attached to. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day you’ll lose it all.
Nothing is permanent and you can’t control any thing, person, place, emotion or event. Not your boyfriend, not your job, not your sense of love or security, not even your precious children.
No matter how much you cherish, cling, or concern yourself with it… motherfucker, it is a futile effort. They’re going to be ripped from your hands, eventually. Sorry.
You can stress out, or you can let go of your attachments and be FREE. (See point 2)
Everything is going to end up the same, no matter what. No point in trying. No point in torturing yourself or your loved ones. Calm the fuck down and let it go.
Isn’t it relieving to know that none of your desperate actions will help?! Just kick back and enjoy what you've got while you've got it.
You will lose everything that you love. And that’s freeing.
You will die one day.
DEATH! THE GREAT UNKNOWN! HEAVEN, HELL, OR PERPETUAL DARKNESS?! Who fucking knows. It doesn’t matter. It’s coming. Zero doubt about it. That’s actually pretty cool.
You can panic and fight against the inevitable unknown… or… you can find comfort in the literal ONE THING that’s definitely not ambiguous in life.
It’s gonna happen. You will die. We all will.
The useful part about it is turning that fear into actionable fact. If the end is coming for everyone… well, it’s a lot easier to reframe your daily behaviors.
Whatcha going to do until then? What’s important to you? Who do you want to be? What impact do you want to have? How do you want to spend your limited time in this body?
Everything outside of that doesn’t really matter. All of the stupid shit, like posting the right thing on social media or being the best employee at a terrible place to work? It's a fucking waste of time and useful, fearful, energy.
Thanks for the perspective, death.
You will die one day. So will everyone you love. And that makes every day clearer.
People will leave you behind.
Learn to love saying goodbye. People WILL come and go. And that’s alright.
When people move on, you don’t have to mourn them or take it personally. People come into your life at certain points, under certain circumstances, when you’re a certain person.
When you grow and change, so will the humans around you. And vice versa. Where one vacancy opens, a new comrade lies down.
What if you could celebrate your time together, rather than fearing the day it ends, getting angry, or mourning the “loss” afterwards?
Cheesy as it sounds, what if it’s real? What if you could trust that the time you spent together was exactly what was supposed to happen… if not for you, for them? Maybe they learned a critical lesson from you that you'll never know. Isn't that good enough?
What if the love between you didn’t disappear because you stopped knowing each other? The energy transferred doesn’t disintegrate; you can hold it forever. It can be sweet, comforting, and lasting. You can feel it anytime you want.
You can hold love for someone with joy, even after they’re gone. Your time together wasn't meaningless just because it's over.
People will leave you behind. And you will leave them. And that’s beautiful.
You’re wasting your life.
Moment by miserable, unfulfilled, disingenuous moment.
Refer to above points. You ARE dying. You have ONE shot. FOR SURE. There’s literally no doubt about it.
Are you going to show up and do your best? Or are you just passing time?
Every day when you attend a miserable job, entertain a shitty relationship, live with subpar health that limits your actions, or stare at Instagram for hours – you’re wasting your only TRULY finite resource. Time.
When you’re trying to decide what to do – with employment, a tension-filled household, or your free time… just remember the clock is ticking, in the best way.
Decisions are easy when everything chips away at your short, potentially beautiful, existence. Your direction seems clear. Your actions seem more AND less important, all at once - just depends on if you're actively living or waiting for the end.
And really, there ain't no time for fear to be pulling the punches.
You’re wasting your life. Unless you’re using every moment of it to serve yourself and others.
Some things are certain in life, and necessarily painful. Fearing suffering and change will never prevent a single one of them.
But, if you accept them as truths, lean in, and seek the certainty with an open heart… Life has more meaning. Change has less sting. Love has lasting joy.
Your brain has more focus and freedom to approach every day as you should – another opportunity to be you, to do your best, and to celebrate this fleeting existence that can only ever end.
Don’t take fear as a sign of unknown evil. Sometimes, it’s a sign of utmost certainty.
Learning to reframe life through the lens of your worst nightmares? That's more powerful than fear ever could be.
Quick end note: Where did all this fear bravado come from? Oh, just living through the worst case scenarios in every regard.
When the thing you fear most happens... you realize there really wasn't so much clout to it, besides the emotion itself.
Talk to ya later, fearless fuckers.