• jess

Belief systems and trauma recovery

Sometimes... I dip my toe into an area that I quickly end up apologizing for.


When I mention my spiritual beliefs, I always feel the need to qualify them with a quick disclaimer or a weak,"but what the fuck do I know - you do you." I'm somewhere between embarrassed and judgmental for letting myself think that there's a purpose to the universe, and I also don't want to push my thoughts on others.


But that's fucking stupid.


This shift in perspective has been life-altering for me. It's been a massive part of my journey with trauma recovery. Plus, many folks benefit from finding some belief system to dig themselves out of whatever hole they've forfeited into; substance abuse, wrongful imprisonment, or yes, good old Complex Trauma.


[Check the book"Complex Trauma; From Surviving to Thriving" for more on this common step in the recovery journey]


It's not helping anyone to keep my astrology, conversations with the Universe, and energy work under wraps, when they've been so instrumental in changing my mind about my past and future.


Maybe it's not what you need to hear, but maybe it is.


And... you know... if you don't want to indulge in my Woo World, that's totally fine. Seems like it's your problem more than mine.





A godless house produces bitter scientists


For years, I believed in nothing. Nothing except my own limitations, obligatory living, doom, and mortality, that is.


I was a scientist – a holder of “ultimate truths” that only counted if they were pulled from peer-reviewed publications or textbooks created by a community of experts. I was a skeptic of information in every realm. A cynical naysayer who preached checking your sources, finding substantiating evidence, and running your own experiments for replicability.


I was also an atheistic dickhead ready to scoff at anyone who so much as mentioned the “spiritual realm,” whether regarding an organized religion, astrological influences, or a sense that there was something looking over them.


I was also an atheistic dickhead ready to scoff at anyone who so much as mentioned the “spiritual realm,” whether regarding an organized religion, astrological influences, or a sense that there was something looking over them.

No evidence? No dice. You’re an idiot.


I felt superior minded; I wouldn’t be swayed with these flowery ideals that were developed to make you fall in line with society, pacify your fears of death, and hand over money to a radical leader. I wasn’t going to fall into the trap of blindly “believing” without proof that there was something beyond the grave.


If you said, “pray about it” or “everything happens for a reason,” I said, “you’re a weak-minded moron who just believes what your parents taught you.”


I knew what I was taught and what was accepted by my academic peers; you’re alive and then you’re dead. It’s the fate of all living things to exist as squishy bags of spontaneously interacting molecules, perfectly designed by evolution to complete intricate biochemical processes until they decay. These compounds that drive our brains and bodies? They were pulled together by complete accident and just so happen to create living bodies.


Everything in life is random. Entropy is king.


With this perspective, I could hold myself up on a high horse, looking down at all the non-scientific believers who chose to delude themselves with a “historical” brain-washing book or spiritual practitioner. I could spit on their devotion to some unprovable larger plan or man in the sky. I could protect myself from my fear of being taken advantage of, wasting my time, and being disappointed.


With this perspective, I could hold myself up on a high horse, looking down at all the non-scientific believers who chose to delude themselves with a “historical” brain-washing book or spiritual practitioner. I could spit on their devotion to some unprovable larger plan or man in the sky. I could protect myself from my fear of being taken advantage of, wasting my time, and being disappointed.

And I could continue to be a nihilistic, pessimistic, miserable sack of unmotivated garbage while I laughed at all the folks who put their faith in things working out and being dealt only cards they could handle.


“Plebeians, don’t you know that life is futile? A random series of events starting with the moment your full cassette of DNA came together until the day nature reclaims your atoms into the earth. Everything else is just unpredictable happenchance, decided by the factors around you and the people that you know.”


“Plebeians, don’t you know that life is futile? A random series of events starting with the moment your full cassette of DNA came together until the day nature reclaims your atoms into the earth. Everything else is just unpredictable happenchance, decided by the factors around you and the people that you know.”

So… you can probably see how that view didn’t lend itself to getting over my trauma mindset, depression, or anxiety.


I believed that shit had happened to me my entire life because… it just had. I was born into a family of broken humans, just wound up in one of those households where violence was the way, and my biological makeup had granted me the same mental conditions they suffered from.


I believed that shit had happened to me my entire life because… it just had.

As a result of these random experiences, I was now physiologically altered in my brain, making life a lot harder for me. Depression and anxiety were disorders potentially treatable with medical intervention. It was just genetics and sociology at work. If anything, I had a pre-determined fate cemented by my lotto draw from the DNA pool.


I didn’t see a purpose in being here on earth. I didn’t find myself to be inherently “worth” anything. I didn’t believe that we had power to change our circumstances unless acted upon by an outside force.


My life was just destined to continue tumbling along in an entropic closed system; bumping into other purposeless, reactive chemical conglomerates that would either nudge me into a new direction or form a new, lasting compound for a while. There was a good chance that they would steal my electrons and knock me down into a less stable state, just like so many fleshy chemical sacks had before. And then, one day I was going to be blown apart when my stable energy was exhausted.


My life was just destined to continue tumbling along in an entropic closed system; bumping into other purposeless, reactive chemical conglomerates that would either nudge me into a new direction or form a new, lasting compound for a while. There was a good chance that they would steal my electrons and knock me down into a less stable state, just like so many fleshy chemical sacks had before. And then, one day I was going to be blown apart when my stable energy was exhausted.

That’s it. Luck of the draw and then empty nothingness. Nothing to be so dramatic about.


Weird, why was I so nihilistic and helpless, do you think?



The problem when you believe in nothing


The problem is, when you don’t believe in anything, you also don’t believe in your own life.

You might resent your life or feel like a victim in your life… but you don’t accept it, process it, or feel empowered to improve it.


The problem is, when you don’t believe in anything, you also don’t believe in your own life. You might resent your life or feel like a victim in your life… but you don’t accept it, process it, or feel empowered to improve it.

For my nearly 3 decades of materialism living, I felt unable to help myself.


I had been dealt a certain hand in the form of my nucleotides and social surroundings, and I was confined by those limiting factors. Whatever had happened to me before was just random chance – being in the right or wrong place at a certain time. Whatever was going to happen to me in the future was also a total crap shoot – I would encounter good or bad people, do my best to put fuel into my system, and work until I died.


Death would consist of absolutely nothing. Just like life before we’re born. I’d slip into a black ether of nothing at all. I was relieved and terrified of it, at once. But I looked forward to the day when I didn’t have to keep living this biologically doomed sack of meat.


I was powerless. I was just a result of circumstances. The only way to improve my life was to work harder and harder. Or, maybe marry rich, if I got desperate enough to use these genes for exploitation of the more primitive gender. (20's thoughts, not current thoughts)


I was powerless. I was just a result of circumstances. The only way to improve my life was to work harder and harder. Or, maybe marry rich, if I got desperate enough to use these genes for exploitation of the more primitive gender. (20's thoughts, not current thoughts)

I sat in my apartment, alone and defeated, a victim, for years.


I went to work each day, I did my duties, and I fed the neurochemical processes that were ruining me with ruminating ideals about my unfortunate existence. That was about all I could muster. What was the point in going above and beyond, when the world was ready to shit all over me around every turn?


My anxiety gained power and momentum. My depression was cemented in the notion that I was just another worthless member of an overpopulated species, effectively stumbling around in the dark. My anger grew as I considered my early life circumstances to be “bad, unchangeable luck.”


I was a ball of defeat, depression, and self-determined pissiness. I wondered why every day felt so pointless for 10 years.



Then, magic happened


This is all to say, I’m no stranger to black and white thinking, nor expecting the worst. Relying on “known facts” instead of taking a leap for something larger and statistically unproveable.


But, the day that I did crack a door to let the light in – the day that I began to begin to start to consider that maybe there could be a higher power in this shit-wading life… is the day that my mental health journey really began.


But, the day that I did crack a door to let the light in – the day that I began to begin to start to consider that maybe there could be a higher power in this shit-wading life… is the day that my mental health journey really began.

I was in the woods, hiking my heart out one day, when I felt a sense of what I can only call “wonder” come over me. Something about being out in that environment, surrounded by huge trees, the smell of dank dirt, and a bustling ecosystem fully removed from metropolitan sprawl reminded me of a time much earlier in my life.


I remembered being in the Northwoods of Wisconsin as a young kid, hopping over tree trunks and marveling at fields of ferns beneath the tall pine trees. The amazement in everything I found; from the way sun shone through the canopy and illuminated the delicate fiddleheads to the plush beds of moss that I would plop down to pet.


And I recalled in those moments, believing in something. Nothing definite, nothing specific. Just the sense of believing that there was something larger than me and maybe this life was an adventure laid out a million years before I had ever come into existence.


And I recalled in those moments, believing in something. Nothing definite, nothing specific. Just the sense of believing that there was something larger than me and maybe this life was an adventure laid out a million years before I had ever come into existence.

Who knew what was going to happen next. As a kiddo, I had no thoughts of my purpose or destiny. But I sensed that it was all part of something bigger, grander, and more meaningful than my families’ small world in a rural town and day to day living.


Now, in the woods of Atlanta, I could feel that same sensation, 20-something years later. Deep in my gut, I felt an excitation. A lightness. A spark. Something was still there; it felt like I had just forgotten it or maybe pushed it away for my own safety for all these years. I just needed to remember.


That day, in those trees, I let my mind have a new thought.


“What if you chose to feel that way again?”


Maybe you don’t have to be so down and determined that life holds nothing for you. Maybe you don’t need to be so scared of everything. Maybe you aren’t going through this dangerous existence all on your own. Maybe it can get better.


Maybe you don’t have to be so down and determined that life holds nothing for you. Maybe you don’t need to be so scared of everything. Maybe you aren’t going through this dangerous existence all on your own. Maybe it can get better.

That’s literally the moment when my brain opened to a whole new, non-judgmental, way of being, thinking, and processing the world. I asked myself, with a huge amount of internal resistance, “What if you chose to believe in magic again?”



The fuck you mean by “magic”


Motherfucker, I didn’t know either. Still don't, exactly.


Understand, that day, I felt like an idiot nutjob. Here I was, stomping around the woods for anxiety management, weight loss, and to escape from my ex… and suddenly I might as well be back in the shoes of a little girl who thought animals could talk and fairies might be real.


Understand, that day, I felt like an idiot nutjob. Here I was, stomping around the woods for anxiety management, weight loss, and to escape from my ex… and suddenly I might as well be back in the shoes of a little girl who thought animals could talk and fairies might be real.

What the shit did I know about this thing I was calling “magic?” David Blain and my brother in his card gaming phase liked it.


Make no mistake, I felt like a total moron.


But, I had faith in one thing. No one could access my brain and judge me for having this doltish thought. I didn’t have to talk about it or broadcast it to my naysaying life companions. I didn’t have to get rid of the evidence before someone noticed that I had jumped straight off the deep end. It was safe for me to hold this in my head and just see what happened. Run a new experiment.


But, I had faith in one thing. No one could access my brain and judge me for having this doltish thought. I didn’t have to talk about it or broadcast it to my naysaying life companions. I didn’t have to get rid of the evidence before someone noticed that I had jumped straight off the deep end. It was safe for me to hold this in my head and just see what happened. Run a new experiment.

Could this belief help you change how you approach every day? Could this make you less chronically depressed, angry, and defeated? Could this actually lead to lasting change? Or, fuck, just less suicidal ideations would be nice.


You know, just another trial in living a life that didn't depress and defeat me.


From that day forward, I started dipping a toe into discovering what I actually might believe. What WAS magic? What was out there, besides the confining and exploitative influences of organized religion?


For help, I turned to my favorite resource (you know it), podcasts. I didn’t dive straight into the sort of multi-universal, esoteric, devil worshipping, life-is-all-a-hologram shit that I like now, of course. At that time, I was into a podcast called The Mind Your Business Podcast which combined two things I was currently trying not to shut down about; internet marketing and the potential to change your life by changing your perspective.


And that shit spoke to me. I didn’t dive in deep to the weirder stuff they talked about quite yet, but there was a psychological aspect to it that I understood. I could easily see how the way you interpret your work and your world would change the way you showed up in it every day.


And that’s where my journey with magic began.


And that’s where my journey with magic began. The day I began realizing that your mind, your perspective, and your beliefs will effectively form the life that you live. Not happenstance, not biological determination, not the unfortunate luck of randomly doomed souls. YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR BRAIN, and YOU DO.

The day I began realizing that your mind, your perspective, and your beliefs will effectively form the life that you live. Not happenstance, not biological determination, not the unfortunate luck of randomly doomed souls. YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR BRAIN, and YOU DO.


(head explodes)



Energy is a real thing


From there, it was still a slow progression into the weird shit I subscribe to now.

I got curious about the other piece of the puzzle that sounded most in line with my prior biochemical beliefs. I slowly started getting into the idea of energy.


Energy was a real, scientifically recognized, force. I already believed in that every time I flipped a light switch. It could be measured, accumulated, and directed.


Why would it be any different inside of our bodies and brains? Science says, wherever you focused your thoughts, you were sending energy in your brain box. Similarly, you can “send energy” to your gut really easily; just think of having to drive your car later (I was terrified of driving and on the spectrum of agoraphobic at the time). That “jump” you feel? Energy.


Science says, wherever you focused your thoughts, you were sending energy in your brain box. Similarly, you can “send energy” to your gut really easily; just think of having to drive your car later (I was terrified of driving and on the spectrum of agoraphobic at the time). That “jump” you feel? Energy.

Motherfucker, you just directed some energy from brain to spinal cord to organs. You’ve effectively altered your physical state and your mental condition. You just changed your experience in this moment.


Is it really so impossible to consider the idea that where we focus our mental energy can change outcomes in our lives? Not at all. Call it psychology or manifestation – I leaned towards psychology at the time – but the outcome is the same however you feel comfortable framing it.


Is it really so impossible to consider the idea that where we focus our mental energy can change outcomes in our lives? Not at all. Call it psychology or manifestation – I leaned towards psychology at the time – but the outcome is the same however you feel comfortable framing it.

Man, from those small acceptances of energy holding power and thoughts directing the show, my life changed really fucking quickly.


Immediate benefits of believing in something


I started noticing how I felt, for starters.


Most of my prior decade had been a game of hide and seek with my emotions and physical state. After my autoimmune nightmare at age 23, I dissociated HARD from my body; you know, after years of pain and discomfort, I didn’t want to be so present in this meat husk.


Besides, as an anxious mess, my thoughts were often trapped in my head, spiraling around like a snow globe. My fucked-up head took precedence, my body was whatever.


When I tuned into “energy work,” however, I had to actually tap into my bod and see what was going on every day, multiple times a day. The goal is to raise your energy to match the vibration of the universe. To find inner motivation and send out “good vibes,” if you prefer.


When I tuned into “energy work,” however, I had to actually tap into my bod and see what was going on every day, multiple times a day. The goal is to raise your energy to match the vibration of the universe. To find inner motivation and send out “good vibes,” if you prefer.

From this, I learned to check in from time to time and name the physical sensations I was feeling so I could course-correct during shitty moments before that energy worked its way into my brain and ruined my day.


Waking up, leaving for work, during the drive, at my desk – all day long I started noticing: Am I feeling low energy (depressed)? Nervous energy (anxious)? Or high energy (the sweet spot)?


Follow up... now that I notice these differences, can I change them? Bring myself up or down, depending on the need?


Yeah, turns out, I can. Breathing exercises, grounding visualizations, and effort really can change your physical experience. Your brain follows suit.



I stopped getting “stuck” in emotions


I say this all the time now, but I believed it none of the time in my 20’s; it’s okay to have bad emotions, you don’t have to get stuck in them.


Back in the day, a negative thought was more contagious and deadly than this COVID bullshit. One bad sentence snowballed into a full novel of pessimism, hopelessness, and defeat in an instant. There was no essentially no difference between having a minor inconvenience and losing a fucking leg in that way of life.


When I started learning about energy, though, I found out that the more you ruminate and self-indulge in these negative spirals, the more you’re bound to bring similar energies into your being. Not only does it change your physical energy, but your life energy too.


When I started learning about energy, though, I found out that the more you ruminate and self-indulge in these negative spirals, the more you’re bound to bring similar energies into your being. Not only does it change your physical energy, but your life energy too.

For instance, if you’re having a terrible morning when nothing seems to be going right, you leave the house already frustrated and depressed, and you’re sending shit electrons to everyone you encounter with your frustration/agitation… I bet you’re going to keep running into more obstacles. Traffic will SUCK. Your prescription won’t be ready. Your coworkers will fuck up your job all day. And every one of these events will only cause your shitty energy to grow stronger.


On the other hand, if you have an amazing morning, you hit the driver’s seat singing your favorite song, and you offer kindness to the people you interact with… I bet you’re going to have a pretty easy day. Traffic lights will turn green in front of you. Your pharmacist will have a spare $5 coupon for you. Your work will be light and manageable. And every one of these events will cause your high level, positive energy to grow stronger.


Is it really magic? Or is it just calming the fuck down, projecting a more attractive face to the world, and accidentally reaping the rewards?


I don’t know! But I know a bad mood isn’t worth feeling like shit, acting like shit, and treating other people like shit, especially when it’s going to cause your day to feel “doomed.”


“I don’t want to be pissy and frustrated today,” is actually a choice I started being able to make. I suddenly could sit down, feel the feel, and then let it go as I moved back to a less bitchy place.

And fuck, dude, it turns out that you really can choose your own adventure when it comes to moods and energies.


“I don’t want to be pissy and frustrated today,” is actually a choice I started being able to make. I suddenly could sit down, feel the feel, and then let it go as I moved back to a less bitchy place.


I learned to redirect my energy


Similar to the last point, but worth diving deeper. I learned to redirect my energy to reorient my thoughts… which made stagnation and obsession a thing of the past.


Just like emotions, you don’t have to get stuck with your thoughts. I know, as anxious little fuckers, that seems impossible. This brain goes on autopilot, starts looping the same circuits over and over again, and I can’t even consider my own basic needs, let alone high-level activities.


Just like emotions, you don’t have to get stuck with your thoughts. I know, as anxious little fuckers, that seems impossible. This brain goes on autopilot, starts looping the same circuits over and over again, and I can’t even consider my own basic needs, let alone high-level activities.

That’s how a decade of doing nothing happens.


Make art? Write? Get a good workout? How is any of that possible, when my brain feels like an angry swarm of bees for every waking moment?


Well, it turns out, it is completely possible. You can notice and change your energy, which means you can also redirect your energy. This is the basis of manifestation, if you want to get into it. When you redirect your energy, you redirect your think box, and life follows.


For now, just think of it as shining a flashlight on one part of your brain/world. If you’re always pointed at the monster in the corner – your frustrating partner, your shitty job, your self-hate – you’re not seeing the open window on the opposite wall. You feel trapped because you aren’t looking for a way out.


For now, just think of it as shining a flashlight on one part of your brain/world. If you’re always pointed at the monster in the corner – your frustrating partner, your shitty job, your self-hate – you’re not seeing the open window on the opposite wall. You feel trapped because you aren’t looking for a way out.

In my world, anyways, that’s a pretty strong metaphor for my traumatized life.


I learned that I could stop pushing all my energy towards my bad habits of being low down, anxious, and convinced that I was failing at everything. I could take a step back and push the attention towards shit that actually mattered. It didn’t have to be optimistic “You’re doing great, kids!” all day long. But I could pull my energy away from, say, arguing with my craptastic ex and get back to working on a mental health blog I was starting instead of wasting my entire afternoon.


Day after day after day of this practice, asking “what really matters to me today and what do I want to accomplish?” I learned how to be efficient in plucking my brain out of the steaming shit pile it was sinking into and putting it back on the shelf where my aspirations were kept.


Day after day after day of this practice, asking “what really matters to me today and what do I want to accomplish?” I learned how to be efficient in plucking my brain out of the steaming shit pile it was sinking into and putting it back on the shelf where my aspirations were kept.

When people ask me now how I’m so motivated or productive (from my perspective, overworked and somewhat self-brutalizing, but hey), it’s really as simple as keeping my eye on the prize. Being flexible when things challenge me. Reminding myself that I CAN pull my head out of my ass and use it for higher purposes.


I just forgot, until I started believing in magic.



The long lasting trauma-recovery benefits of choosing to believe


No doubt, the immediate benefits of approaching this (what I now call) “woo world” with an open-er heart are helpful for daily mental illness management, like obsession and neuroticism.


But over the long term, how does this shift things?


Well, this shit is a MASSIVE part of my journey in finally getting out of a traumatized thought loop and life pattern. I can say with complete honesty that I wouldn’t be here, writing to you fuckers, if it wasn’t for this energetic awakening that I went through. I would probably still be lost in the woods, stomping around in a bad relationship, working a toxic job, living a life that I hated and perpetuating more deleterious habits than I can count.


Well, this shit is a MASSIVE part of my journey in finally getting out of a traumatized thought loop and life pattern. I can say with complete honesty that I wouldn’t be here, writing to you fuckers, if it wasn’t for this energetic awakening that I went through. I would probably still be lost in the woods, stomping around in a bad relationship, working a toxic job, living a life that I hated and perpetuating more deleterious habits than I can count.

When I chose to believe that I could change even small things in my daily life, I started to change huge things in my world.


If you’re always focused on the past. If you’re always telling yourself you’re broken. If you’re always angry about the injustices that you’ve been through and the ways life has hurt you. You aren’t ever going to create anything different.


If you’re always focused on the past. If you’re always telling yourself you’re broken. If you’re always angry about the injustices that you’ve been through and the ways life has hurt you. You aren’t ever going to create anything different.

Again, go woo or go psychological with this. It does not matter.


Ruminating on the past, worrying about the future, and presuming that everything is always going to be just as terrible as it was yesterday… is going to ensure that you relive a Groundhogs Day nightmare for the rest of your fucking life.


You can go woo and believe that it’s because you’re putting bad energy out into the ethers, and the universe is sending nonstop shitstorms as a result. OR you can believe that it’s just psych-onomics 101 - a shitty mindset will limit how you interact with the world, thus stunting the likelihood of meeting people who like you or present new opportunities.


For me, I was somewhere in between the two stances. But, realizing that my energy created my life was critical, because I stopped feeling like my past “failures” to find a personal passion or career that was fulfilling meant anything about the future. Manifestation or self-fulfilling prophecy didn’t really matter.


For once, I believed that I wasn’t a victim of my early life. I was ready to gather up the strength from my past experiences and push that energy out towards a future of my design.

For once, I believed that I wasn’t a victim of my early life. I was ready to gather up the strength from my past experiences and push that energy out towards a future of my design.


I started believing that focusing on my writing project – this little community thing I was trying to start – would eventually lead to something bigger. That I was doing the right thing. That I wasn’t trapped with the only life I had known, if I worked to change the one that we’ve all been prisoner to. I had trauma, but trauma didn’t have me.


I found the motivation to start working towards my goals every day, creating a website, writing regularly, and taking care of my own mental health so I could be in a centered place, I found the drive to keep my head above water instead of wallowing in the bad vibes that brought me a strange sense of miserable comfort.


My first major experiment in leveraging beliefs for action? I found the strength to leave my abusive ex, because I believed that if I leapt into the void with my positive intentions and followed the signs, the universe would catch me. And it fucking did.


My first major experiment in leveraging beliefs for action? I found the strength to leave my abusive ex, because I believed that if I leapt into the void with my positive intentions and followed the signs, the universe would catch me. And it fucking did.

I left with nothing, no framily to fall on, I had no plan and my finances had been tapped by the relationship. Guess what happened? The one person I had sort of connected with in Atlanta cleaned their spare bedroom, gave me a home, and I got back on my feet while I figured out my next move.


Every day since has been further proof of how far choosing to believe can take you.


My continued trauma recovery journey on Woo


At this point, it’s been a bit longer than 1.5 years since I started considering the idea of having a belief system again. Since I opted into “magical thinking,” for lack of a better term.


Without exaggeration, everything in my life is different. Better. More meaningful.


When I shifted my energy away from the “old Jess” way of being, I shed all of the “old Jess” that was holding me back. Some of it was hard and some of it was painful. But all of it has been confidence building, eye opening, and trauma healing.


When I shifted my energy away from the “old Jess” way of being, I shed all of the “old Jess” that was holding me back. Some of it was hard and some of it was painful. But all of it has been confidence building, eye opening, and trauma healing.

Even though I’ve lost friends and loved ones, I know that they were no longer “operating from the same place” as I was. It fucking sucked, but now I have new friends and connections who are on the same plane, living from the same center – people that spontaneously entered my life when I needed them.


Thanks universe.


I left my financially stable life and home. But I immediately found kindhearted folks who were willing to take me in and accept my meager rent offerings. They just "got it," as fellow Traumatized Motherfuckers. Then, I easily found a dream living situation with comrades, residing in this AMAZING nature-centric neighborhood that I had accidentally fallen into.


I left my shit job without another plan… except to end the daily mental abuse. I was freaked out about the financial implications and how I would structure my time. But, it’s given me the space and freedom to apply myself entirely to this writing/podcasting/community project while I also juggle several part-time jobs that have since fallen into my lap.


I started taking risks, acting in the ways that I KNEW were right for me, because I stopped being so scared of the shitty happenstances that had plagued me for so long.


I started taking risks, acting in the ways that I KNEW were right for me, because I stopped being so scared of the shitty happenstances that had plagued me for so long.

There are innumerable examples of things just weirdly working out. Signs popping up right in front of me. Strange occurrences that just seem way too wild to be coincidental. But these are the foundational ones that have changed so much about how I move through life every day. They shook my old perspective until it completely disintegrated before my eyes.


There are innumerable examples of things just weirdly working out. Signs popping up right in front of me. Strange occurrences that just seem way too wild to be coincidental. But these are the foundational ones that have changed so much about how I move through life every day. They shook my old perspective until it completely disintegrated before my eyes.


I stopped feeling like a pointless, unnecessary meat bag who needed someone to save her. I started seeing that the universe was ready for me to save myself all along.


I stopped feeling like a pointless, unnecessary meat bag who needed someone to save her. I started seeing that the universe was ready for me to save myself all along.

Life stopped seeming random OR predetermined to be doomed. It started feeling righteously positive and full of opportunity that some larger force wanted me to tap into.


Some kind of larger purpose existed that brought good things into my life at the moment I needed them. Some sort of emergency net system had been installed millennia ago that would grab me before I hit rock bottom.


But I had to jump once in a while, with my energy focused steadily on the horizon, to find out.

Wrap it up


I want to be clear, I don’t care who you are or what you believe in. I’m not here to draft anyone into the multi-universal army. Fuck, keep being a materialist or an atheistic scientist for your whole life, it makes no difference to me.


But don’t let your beliefs, or lack thereof, limit you in your expectations of the future.

Sometimes it helps just to choose to believe that you have someone on your side. That positive change and purpose-driven living is completely possible if you start acting for yourself. That “signs” are real, and energy can make an impact on the lives of everyone you know.


Sometimes it helps just to choose to believe that you have someone on your side. That positive change and purpose-driven living is completely possible if you start acting for yourself. That “signs” are real, and energy can make an impact on the lives of everyone you know.

I don’t know, man, after 29 years as a disgruntled, agnostic, scientist punk… I’d rather believe that there’s something more to life. Where we’ve been isn’t where we’re going. And there’s a point to everything we’ve been through.


Call it woo or call it psychology, but I’d never be who I am today if it wasn’t for deciding that maybe magic could be real.





I have a lot more to say about this stuff. Always do. But I don't want to beat anyone over the head with what I subscribe to.


If you're into it, hop onto the Discord channel and check out the sortof woo-world goodness that Daniel and I are always spitting and sharing.


We’d love to tell you about our favorite life-changing (perspective changing) podcasts, books, and practices. Wanna get into Duncan Trussell? Who's ready to learn about the number 24? Hell, maybe together we’ll even do a little Magick.


Decide what you believe. Realize what you don't know. Keep quiet about it if you aren't ready to apologize for jumping on the Woo-train. But do something.



Traumatized Motherfxckers

Not doomed. Not damaged.

Not dead yet.

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