Intro to my C-PTSD: 4. A Day in the Old Life
Updated: 5 days ago
Came across this little diddy - an example of how shitty I used to feel on a daily basis. In hindsight it's scary and sad to read. In the moment, it was my usual life.
Instead of trying to relay my old experiences, figured I might as well share the exact wording that I employed at the time.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Started out okay, but soon devolved into the usual feeling of panic/anxiety that makes it hard to get anything done. Feeling overwhelmed and like I don’t know what to do, since there are so many fucking things. Incredible self-created pressure. Stomach hurts, chest feels empty and tight, generalized anxiety for no particular reason… I don’t know how to escape this brain space and relax. I feel like I’m about to go give a huge presentation or something, it’s a similar feeling to this amount of physical discomfort, nerves, and mental stress. Makes it impossible to be happy or get a diverse range of things accomplished, because my brain is set to “work, work, work on the most miserable tasks” mode, rather than looking at the bigger picture or working on anything I actually feel like doing or tackling small parts of big projects. I’m even feeling stressed and trapped due to the idea of going on a walk; I have created so many pressures to stay at home and work, concurrent with pressure to get exercise, that I don’t even know which side of the argument to listen to. A great example of the small, typically mundane, things that can completely cripple me when I’m anxious and over-thinking.
Everything is a mess. Immediately back in the worst headspace. Totally sad and defeated. Feeling helpless and confused. Do not feel clear headed or capable of coming up with a good day/week plan. Seriously, the pain and tension in my chest kills. What is wrong with me.
If you're feeling this out of control. If your daily life is a mental and physical hell. Fuck, man. I'm sorry. Let's talk about getting you the help you need.
I'm no expert, but I can tell you what turned things around for me. Reach out any time traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com