The MF Story So Far
Not Damaged, Not Doomed, Not Dead Yet.
So here’s the deal.
TMFRs isn’t an organization, a company, or even a rag-tag crew. It’s also not a professional’s pitch for their book, life coaching, or personal training.
It’s just me. Jess. Some energy contained in an overactive brain and an undershowered human suit.
Student, writer, recently homeless forestpunk, smartass, and generally speaking, absolute sucker. But not a therapist, influencer, or person you have to listen to, by any means.
I used to work as a cellular biologist and lab supervisor, deviated into art and craft brewery logistic management, then went back to school in pursuit of an M.S. in Behavioral Science during the 'demic.
In between, I was in a terrible relationship or five. I observed some autoimmune system dinner theaters that could have been skipped. I fell back in with my family of origin - rl big mistake. I finally got into trauma therapy, got healthy again, and got a lot of mental control back after years of plummeting.
All the while... still showing up and pretending to be what you'd call "a normal, functioning person."
And because of it all, I made this little diddy you see here.
Originally TMFRs was a “Hey, you’re not alone and here’s why shit sucks,” -blog with a focus on the art that mental illness inspired, specifically aiming to help folks who left abusive relationships and felt more alone than ever. Spoilers: I did.
Then, this became some kind of podcast-mashup of a personal journal with a peer-reviewed academic one, aimed at raising voices and fists to tell the world we may be agoraphobic but we still exist. Even if we forget and/or apologize for it.
Then… somehow... It became a whole CPTSD support community that has a life of its own, for people who have trouble making progress with traditional mental health advice and support options struggling with all areas of this trauma-life we share.
Along the way, Traumatized Motherfuckers transformed from a project that was largely about feeling less alone and talking about the common experiences in the aftermath of Trauma....
To more of a research / reflection how-to service for feeling not-so-doomed each day.
It was once about the broad, confusing experiences of emotionally-challenged brains and lingering behavioral tics from childhood...
Now we focus on the brain science behind the survival system-CNS crossover, neural development and operations, and cognitive / emotional patterning deathtraps.
So, to say that the focus, depth, and breadth of information has changed... Yep.
And, you know, more than a few things were happening on the backend of this project, too.
I’m a TMFR, myself, you know shit is never “smooth” over here. Bring on the Chaos, Alex.
Of course, some people have to ruin good things for everyone.
The real-life-drama forced the creation of a “closed door” podcast stream where it’d be a bit harder for folks with bad intentions to dive in and do their dirty work. The excellent news being, it gave us a new place to more safely discuss our experiences, free from the threat of people who “don’t get it” and “don’t want to.”
This is how the MF Blanket Fort was born, a private place for intimate, supportive, trauma navigation, hosted on Patreon and Discord.
And this is where I focus most of my hyperactive, obsessive attention in life. Making dense podcasts and videos that take weeks to chew on. Worksheets in between. And sharing the perspectives of other MFs who want to make their tales known.
We talk about a huge range of topics that are related to CPTSD - relationships, narcissists, brain programming, abuse, dissociative identities, making big life changes and empowering your Self.
But we also have covered a lot of “more trauma basic” background information in the earlier days of the show.
There’s a little bit of everything for everyone. And the perspectives are always changing as we gather new knowledge and know-how.
This thing is always growing and changing.
Because I honestly have no idea what I’m doing and never have, outside of “trying to help.” We're all on this wild ride together, and I don't claim to be a "podcasting businessman."
At the root of it all…. I’m one MF with my own messy life and trauma-patterned brain who happens to hit “high functioning” marks more often than not, at the expense of having emotions. I have a mental self-obsession and a love for talking about the ways that PTSD management seems to be at least semi-possible, based on what I learn between my affective and intellectual activities. Plus, what the community of Motherfuckers teaches me on a daily basis.
And, transparently, that’s all I offer.
Well, those insights *and* a satisfying amount of snark expressed with no-fucking-brightsides language, if that’s something you’re into. Idrk.
My name is Jess. I’m an adult dirtchild, certified Traumatized Motherfucker, and overly empathetic sucker. And this is the story of TMFRs so far.
I do my best to tell you what I’m learning, through having a traum-adventurous life, overly-focused attention, and ever-accumulating student debt.
If you ever felt like you were alone in this… at least know there’s one MF out there, stumbling and eating shit sometimes - but not giving up - right there with you.
Hail your Self.
And cheers, Fucker.
Welcome to the club that you never asked to be born into.
Atlanta, 2019 - Nowhere and Everywhere, Today
Got a story to share?
Get it out