behind the skulls
Name's Jess. I run this shit. Sometimes, it runs me.
I AM a 30-ish ex-scientist trying to rehab a life defined by the same family shit as everyone else.
I am NOT a licensed trauma professional, psychologist, or life coach.
Just an experiential trauma expert, Behavioral Science MS student, and MF with nothing left to lose.
Throughout most of my life, I didn't know "Trauma" applied to my experiences with an abusive & addictive family.
I wasted a lot of years treating myself poorly and creating a life I didn't want with unchecked mental illness.
Outwardly high functioning? Usually. Happy? Didn't know the word.
I thought I was just born broken. I always felt alone and "wrong."
I was told so, for years.
And because of it, I wound up feeling trapped in some miserable and dangerous places.
Abusive relationships, toxic jobs, substance detriments, unsupportive communities...
I searched for mental health information, but never found anything that "connected the dots."
When I finally got the trauma-informed help, coping tools, and education I needed to manage my mental health,
Starting with my perspective on my brain, as it determined everything else.
I started taking an experimental approach to fixing my head and therefore my life.
And although the results aren't complete, yet,
Even in REAL shit times, my mental health and life outlook are better than ever.
So, I'm here, slinging words and talking about really living with complex trauma, no holds barred.
Talking in real time about rebuilding a brain after a few decades of fuckery.
Building a community of people who want to do inner work for the opportunities they've missed so far.
Ex-scientist. Ex-self-defeatist. Ex-fearful mess.
Not doomed. Not damaged. Not dead yet.
TMFRs is a single-human, "reframing and rewiring" support project -
spread by worth of mouth and supported by a community of life-thrashing MFs.
The mission is breaking down academic & peer-reviewed research,
integrated with transparent, highly relatable, often-silenced accounts of living with CPTSD.
Ultimately providing the insights and early education we've been lacking
for building healthier heads and developing less "trauma typical" (read: tragic) lives.
The scientific summarizing skills of an ex-scientist x the brain of a Traumatized Motherfucker.
Creating community and resources for folks who've never felt "home."
The motherfucking mission is to provide education and support resources for understanding
how the past has influenced your brain, your brain activities define your life,
and your Self is waiting for less shaming circumstances to redesign your future.
No one should ever feel damaged, doomed, or better off dead.
Alone, trapped, or hopeless.
The way this Fucker used to.
You CAN take control of your mental health and start building a life you want...
even if you haven't gotten the chance so far.
And you don't have to do it alone.
How can talking about complex trauma help?
WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS SAY
I sent it to my husband and my therapist with a note saying that it described EXACTLY how I experience anxiety. I have never felt so validated or less alone, and I cannot tell you how rare and valuable that experience was for me.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I appreciate what you are doing with this blog and I hope it gives people a place to vent and help each other. I probably won’t be a good role model, but at least a decent cautionary tale for others: deal with your shit or it will deal with you.
Your message is refreshing, empowering and motivating. Most importantly, in my view, is the acknowledgement that people are not alone. Help those Motherfuckers move forward, take control of those things over which they have control and shed the victim mentality.
Please, please keep doing it. I’ve never been able to laugh at my diagnosis, let alone have the courage to face it if it weren’t for you, & what you’ve started here; thank you.